Dark mornings

Barefoot fencing was a pleasure

Some days just start off crappy, no matter what.

And having a whole work day ahead doesn't help matters at all. Had a terrible day yesterday, so left work early. Got some extra writing done, which was nice.

Overall, it's a reminder that the hard part of life is trying to find and keep a focus. It's like the small thing that I do with my day planner when I lay out my schedule for the week. I used to use the lines in the planner to mark hours, but since my work day is planned out by the hour, but my actual time is not planned at all...when I look at my schedule for the day all I see is how much of my day is set aside for someone else's need.

So I compacted my notes, artificially crushing down my work schedule, so it takes up only 4 lines total, less than a quarter of any page. A small visual reminder that my life is not my work, and that a full day of work is not all that happens during that day. This was easier before the pandemic, when Valkyrie was a physical space with regular schedules. There was always a place I could switch from one thing to another. Being at home all the time blurs those boundaries, and even getting out once in a while doesn't help. Home has become a morass of expectations, and it takes constant work to claim it back for yourself.

We always have to remind ourselves that the value of our life is in what we choose to do with it. Our arc is not school-work-retire-die. That's what other people frame our lives to be. You have to exist outside of that framing. You have to have habits and processes that allow you to be your ideal self, and those must absolutely exist in seperation from any work you do.

For some people, this is just common sense, but for most people, this is an almost unattainable dream.

Randy Packer

Randy Packer