I don’t believe in new years resolutions. I do, however, believe in taking a little time to just figure out where I am in life, and what’s changing. Seems kind of silly to me to make some big statement about what you plan to do, when you don’t even really know what you’ve been doing. Changes in our lives happen in ways we don’t often notice. We cope with a crisis, we enjoy the moments of happiness. I remember whole years of my life passing like that, moment to moment, telling myself I’d catch up later…and wondering where the hell the massive depression came from.

Hell, right now I wonder where the hell all those years wound up. As far as I feel, ten years ago was about a week ago. I’d really rather not have the next ten years go at that pace. I wish I could say I had no idea how that happened, but I clearly recollect the mindset that let the time from my nineteenth birthday til my fortieth fly by. It’s the mindset of putting things off til you are in a better place to deal with them. So, yeah…New Years Day. A new year. No resolutions, but I can take a moment to understand where I am, and what is going on. It’s not easy, but what is?

I’ve taken the giant step to devote myself to writing, and the first few months have been tricky. I got a good start, and then had to slow things down a bit to work full-time for the Christmas rush. Not being able to write as much as I wanted to has left me with a lingering feeling of failure, but I think I can let that go. I made good efforts, and more importantly…I did write. No matter what, I put words down on paper. Not as many as I wanted, but there you go. So I suppose moving forward on that, I want to try to find a way to write at night, when Courtney is at home. I’d like to spend my mornings writing blog posts, and my nights writing screenplays. It’s a reachable goal, I just have to find a way to let my brain know that it’s all right to spend some time by myself when Courtney’s home.

I made the big commitment…damn, I actually made a few big commitments…to make legit independent incomes for myself. Back in the teaching game again is a big part of it. Aside from all the things I love, it’s a good clean way to make a little extra money. It’s not much right now, and it will take a while to grow into something, but I’m okay with that. My goal at this point is to try and replace half of my full-time income with income from the school, writing, and other misc. projects. I can probably do that before New Years next year, and I really don’t need to do anything beyond continuing what I am already doing. My experience with failed business ventures has taught me that all you really need for success (other that a heap of luck, which is out of my hands) is consistency and endurance. Small setbacks happen all the time, you just have to keep trucking on.

My fencing curiosity was re-ignited last year. A lot of malaise was shucked off in the process of working with Jordan and Kaja. I learned to trust my own instincts a little more, and really got a chance to finally see what kind of results I can get out of working with willing students…which kicked open the desire to boost my own skill again. Being a stereotypical Leo, I work best leading a group of collaborators, so it made sense to get a new school going. And once I decided do that, the magic happened. Everything started to fall together…lots of enthusiastic people is the perfect fuel for opportunity. Found the right location to start, got the absolute perfect mix of people to seed growth, and so far we are having a ton of fun.

Which is opening ancient vaults in the back of my mind. I’ve always had an ability to store complex images in my head, so I have excellent recall of fights. My recall is good enough that I can game out scenarios in my head, pitting people I have fought against each other and looking for new tactics I can employ in future. That same ability is now making itself known as a teaching tool…I can mine techniques and tactics, and model them on students and myself in my head, and use the results to plan out some training for the new year. Of course, as soon as I start planning, I realize how much more I need to study and research…

So I suppose if I was to make a new years resolution, it would be to give myself an extra day once a week. Maybe a forty-hour day. One I can squeeze in between Sunday and Monday…