Well, I’m in a quandary today. I’ve been looking forward to a good rant on this fine Wednesday. I knew the internet would provide some lovely health or fitness related tidbit to get me all riled up. Sadly, I think I went to far.

Dr. Oz… I promised my fiancee I wouldn’t fill an entire post with profanity, and now I’m not sure what to write. No one should be required to use so much self control. It’s not healthy.

Bust Your Butt Fat! Right there on the front page of his website. I clicked on it. Some average Americans in shirts and underwear, weeping about how their giant asses snuck up on them out of nowhere. Sorry, I stopped watching at that point. I used to watch Oprah during the summers when I was kid, I know how the emotional appeal formula goes.

Instead I chose to look at the articles that went along with the show. A workout cheatsheet, some recipes…oh dear god.

Eat pasta to lose weight, he says. Low fat, he says. Even gives a sample diet that…Sweet lord, really? No veggies. Maximum of 2000 calories a day, in a 55/30/15 macronutrient split. How 1970’s. Well, 2000 calories a day, at a glance of his audience, is probably 1000 calorie a day decrease from norms, which will have a effect. What’s next?

Kudzu? Really? Phytoestrogens will take the fat off of your ass.

Can you hear my shocked silence on your side of internet? No? Maybe you can imagine my five-minute vitriolic profanity-laden rant that my poor darling girlfriend had to listen too.
This says that mice that gained weight from having their ovaries removed (yes, losing your estrogen supply can make you gain weight) lost the weight when their estrogen was replaced (yes, getting your estrogen back can make you lose weight) by kudzu supplments instead of Estradiol (the usual hormone replacement drug.) This is good news for those of you who want an alternative hormone replacement drug, if menopause or surgery has caused you to gain weight. Otherwise…mmmm…

And you can eat brownies, too. Magic brownies. Eat two a day to lose your butt fat. Hell…I want to lose my butt fat faster, I’m gonna eat a pan of brownies every hour! I want more of that magic effect! Arg.

Lastly, the workout. Seriously? Spot reduction? I thought that idea was killed stone dead in the 90’s. The plan actually says “…bust the fat on your behind.” Wow. That’s just not gonna happen. And one exercise a day? With minimal reps or effort? These will help if you are an invalid. Everyone else will get greater benefits from walking. It’ll burn more calories.

Gah. I’m done. Want more? Go check this link out. And spend some time here, on general principle.